Monday, February 7, 2011

Responsiblity For

I was discussing my son's less than exemplary performance in school with a teacher. She casually mentioned that another teacher said I "didn't seem to care" what Cameron did in school. Countless meetings with teachers, doctors, and therapists said otherwise. Coming from a childhood with neglectful parents this was a particularly harmful comment.

The teachers were frustrated because Cameron never finished his schoolwork. He usually didn't even get his name written on the paper despite having ample time to work on his assignments. They wanted me to fix the problem. I tried. But it is hard to influence your child from home while he is at school. I asked if I could sit with him during class. I had to wait a week to get special permission from the principal. I was allowed an hour and he did complete the test as I sat in the little chair next to his desk. The next time I showed up without waiting for approval from the principal. The icy chill from the teacher made me realize this was a mistake. I did not stay long and Cameron did not complete any work.

These events took place several years ago. I think of it often. I do care. Deeply. My son's challenges bring me to my knees in prayer often. I am reading a book called Scream Free Parenting It says we are responsible to our children. We are not responsible for our children. Our children have a mind of their own. They make their own choices. If Cameron does not do his work after all the help, time, and support I give him, this is his choice. I have done everything I can to fulfill my responsibility to him. I am not responsible for what he does in the end. This does not make me a mother who "doesn't seem to care." It makes me a mother doing her best to help her son grow and make the right choices.


Dacia said...

I saw you visited our blog throug blog frog & I came over for a visit.

I just wanted to say Amen sister to this post! My son has aspergers and I'm always dealing with schools, teachers, sunday school teachers, etc. Things are a lot better at school, but for years I always got the looks from others that it was always my fault my son was acting a certain way. Mom's just need a break. We do the best we can with what we have and we don't have all the answers :)

Lacking Productivity said...

You have had some nightmare teacher stories. I am so sorry.

ChiTown Girl said...

What a horrible thing for a teacher to say!

I clicked over from Jason's place, and now I'm wondering why I've never done it before. The first thing I noticed when your page opened was how much you son looks like his uncle!!! (I'm referring to the second photo from the left.) I'm going to have to go back through some of your archives now. :)

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