Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Grief

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A few days ago I was walking through the house trying to do a few jobs that I had put off doing.  Suddenly there was a plop, plop, plop plop plop..... My necklace had broken and the beads were falling off the string and to the floor one by one.  "Oh come on!"  I was doing what I was supposed to be doing and my necklace fell apart despite the fact that I hadn't done anything to harm it.  I liked that necklace!

I took it off to see that only one strand of the necklace had broken.  All I had to do was clip the broken thread and no one would be wiser that it wasn't complete.  So, why was I sad?  Because I knew that it wasn't the same.

There was a time when my despair and grief was so deep that I was amazed people could not see that I was damaged just by looking at me.  It felt so obvious and yet no one knew of my pain.  It was a very isolating experience.  John said to me, "So is nothing in your life ever going to be okay again?"  He may have said it out of frustration but it felt true.  Nothing was ever just okay again.  I am happy, I am stronger, and everything is great.  But my life will never be "okay" again because of my loss.

I had to clip the thread and continue on.  Just as my necklace is still beautiful, so is my life.  But I will remember my missing beads.  The beads may be the loss of people, friends, or circumstances, but I know I can find comfort in the people that love me, the memory of what used to be, and in Christ who loves me.

5 comments:

kira said...

Wow...deep thoughts from a broken necklace...ironically I have been quite pissy lately and probably needed to hear your thoughts.

Grandma J said...

...and the promise of eternal salvation.

Laura said...

So many different directions my mind wondered while reading this. Maybe you necklace broke for a reason??? You just broght a few things to my attention as well. This was a good post, with so many little details.

Grandma J said...

Katrine, I live in Central Texas, which is just a few miles from hell....in any direction. I hope I haven't offended you or your readers, but it's just a hard place to get used to. Well, for me anyway. I moved here when I retired last spring because I have a daughter and her family here, and it's cheaper (I wonder why!) I think I need my ocean and less humidity, and nights with temperatures lover than 85. Otherwise, I think it's just peachy keen here.

Grandma J said...

Katrine, I live in Central Texas, which is just a few miles from hell....in any direction. I hope I haven't offended you or your readers, but it's just a hard place to get used to. Well, for me anyway. I moved here when I retired last spring because I have a daughter and her family here, and it's cheaper (I wonder why!) I think I need my ocean and less humidity, and nights with temperatures lover than 85. Otherwise, I think it's just peachy keen here.

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