Monday, April 21, 2008

My Brother's Houseguest

(original post 3/9/08)


My brother Jason is very excited.  He has a house guest a comin'.  This is not just any old house guest.  This is Bossy, his blogging guru.  I know, I thought I was his blogging inspiration, but family blood only runs so deep, and Jason now prefers Bossy's blog to mine.

Bossy is going on a road trip.  And as all good house guests, she is too cheap to get a hotel.  So, my brother volunteered to house Bossy.  In doing so, he is breaking the number one rule of all internet stalkers.  Do not ever meet your online friends.  And most of all, do not invite them to your home!  Jason thinks Bossy is entertaining and bright, but in reality she may be Single White Female in a Chevrolet!

But for all Bossy knows Jason may be the crazy one.  Every one has certain "things" that make  a normal person into an irrational lunatic.  I feel I must warn Bossy of things that will send Jason over the edge. 

1.  Do not clip your toe nails in front of him.  Do not even confess that you own toe nail clippers.
2.  Do not leave any stray food bits in the bottom of the sink.
3.  Do not lick your finger and stick it in his ear. (but please Bossy, do this one anyway.  And take film it.)
4.  Do not feed him breakfast.  Especially any breakfast with syrup.

Bossy is lucky because she will be able to feast upon Jason's cooking.  He is an excellent chef!  I love his food.  I especially love the way he prepares carrots.  But, his pasta is the best.  He didn't always cook like that.  As children, Jason would open our avocado green fridge and try to decide what to eat.  "Hmmm, do I feel like a tuna fish sandwich?"  And then he would pantomime the act of eating his invisible sandwich.  "Oh yes, that would be delicious!"  Jason would then proceed to eat the imaginary grub.
 
Bossy writes in an interesting way.  She writes in the third person.  For instance, instead of writing, "I promised myself I wouldn't buy any more underwear until I collected more information,"  she writes, "Bossy promised herself she wouldn't purchase any more underwear until she collected more information."  There's not a possessive pronoun to be found on her blog!  I wish I could be there as Jason welcomes her into his home and she declares, "Oh Bossy loves all the clowns in your house!"

I guess Bossy has quite a cult following who fought for the privilege to house their leader.  Jason does not know why she picked him.  But he's thrilled.  My brother is so proud to recieve Bossy as a guest.  He has even added a banner to his blog to document the occassion.  I've been to his home on a few occasions and yet he's never placed a banner declaring my visit on his blog. 

In closing I wish to warn Bossy.  Beware Bossy!  If anything happens to my brother or his clown collection, I know where you blog!  And I will comment.  A lot.

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