Friday, December 1, 2006

I'm Sexy Now!!!

This pregnancy has made me vuluptous. My breasts are better than ever! But no one would even know because of the large mass underneath my amazing bosom. It's such a shame. And to support my womanly figure I've decided it's time to do what women have been doing for generations.
I am wearing a girdle.

I have never felt more feminine in my life.

Truth be told, a friend of mine just gave me a couple of bags of maternity clothes. And hidden deep inside was a fine piece of lingerie. I know John can't wait to see me in this erotic little number.

But the problem was I couldn't figure out how it all fits together. Which part is front, back, sideways, and what is that long strap for?
So, in an effort to find the beauty within, I decided to google it. After all, if you can't find the answers to your feminine mystique through google, then why try?
And there it was! In full view. See how beautiful she looks with her belly protruding so sensually over her undergarment? The beauty, the bulge, the support. I want to be just like her!

Oh dear, I still couldn't figure my garment out. How does all this velcro work? Everything seems to be sticking together! But Loving Care does not fail the desperate maternal women in the world. Behold the Maternity Support Video!

After viewing this fine piece of acting, I raced to the bathroom and locked myself in. Ater all, I didn't want Ethan to get the wrong idea about his mother! This is a private matter you know.

This goes in front. The large part wraps around the back. What's this feeling? My back is being pushed back into alignment. I can move my spine from side to side without grabbing onto the nearest counter for support. Let's try this next strap. Loop it over the belly like so. Oh my stars! You should see my navel now! It's like the perfect frame show casing my little button that has popped out like a turkey timer!

I am woman!

Hear me practice my lamaze breathing!

And John, baby, your mademoiselle has a surprise for you tonight!

1 comment:

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