The year was 2000. (See, it's so embarrassing that I remember it clearly six years later, and it still holds the top on my list of moments I wish had never happened) I was traveling by airplane to Utah with my then two year old son, Cameron. An unfortunate thing happened to me after I delivered two children, and that is that I have to use the bathroom more often. It's not bad enough that pregnancy left me with stretch marks, weight gain, smaller breasts, (see Elizabeth, I still can't say boobs) but it made my bladder become weak. The muscles in the potty holding area cannot hold for any long period of time! (and that also brings up a couple of more embarrassing moments, but only one at a time please.) Anyway, back at the ranch, or rather back on the airplane, I heard the call of nature. I could not leave my two year old alone in his seat so we made our way down the claustrophobic aisle to wait our turn to use the Latrine. (another embarrassing thing. My name is Katrine, so as a kid it was turned into Latrine. Then I married John. Get it? John and Latrine? Hahaha, laugh it up fuzzball!)
There was one person in front of me. By the time the little bathroom became vacant there were two men standing in line behind me. We exchanged small talk like, "Don't you love flying?" "Those peanuts are delicious." And, "Oh man, that Dr. Pepper is going right through me!"
Finally it was my turn. Or actually mine and Cameron's turn. If you've been in those little potty areas you know there is only enough room to stand or sit. And if you're lucky, you have enough room to turn around so that you can watch the blue toilet water as it is emptied into some disgusting sewer compartment deep in the bowels of the airplane. Well, my bowels needed to be emptied. So I fastened the lock that switched the sign to occupied, placed Cameron so he was standing by my knees, and I sat my mother bearing caboose down onto my throne in the sky. Just as I was feeling relief, Cameron leaned against the door. BANG!!!! The door of the Latrine flew open revealing Katrine. And this was no small creak with the door slightly ajar. Oh no! This was a BANG! This was a door of the airplane just flew open and everyone is in danger of being sucked out into the atmosphere! So, everyone fearing for their life, looks back towards the back of the airplane to see if there was any danger.
And there I was. Sitting. Toilet paper in hand. Pants to the knees. Trying to grab the cute two year old back into the John. Trying to reach for the door. Two men staring at me. Did I say there were two men staring at me? Finally I got said child, I managed to get the door shut without standing, and now I want to die!
Bathroom etiquette normally entails keeping your bathroom stop brief if there are people waiting to use it. Well, I flushed out that etiquette with my dignity. I stayed in that bathroom from hell for the next 15 minutes. I didn't know it was possible to stay in that gross facility for that long. But, you can do it when you know there is any possibility to see the men who saw you sitting on the loo. My face is getting red right now just writing this!
Finally, I decided it was safe to venture out into the airplane. I refused to look at anyone as I took my seat. I was so afraid to see those men again. And then I would have to see the wives or girlfriends of those men, with knowledge in their eyes, as they tried to not laugh in my face. But then I would hear the loud snickers as I walked past. Oh no, I could not take that chance, so I did not look at one single person the rest of the flight. But I did hear someone from the first class say, "And that is why we can't fly with commoners. We don't want to see their bum!"
So, there you have it folks. My most embarrassing moment. Feel free to share this little gem of a story with friends and family. But please wait until I pass by before snickering loudly. Thank you.